


I'd Like to Return These Emotions (Yes, I Have the Receipt)

by ChrisAndCompany



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Has Anxiety, Deviancy, Elijah Kamski Being Elijah Kamski, F U, I swear markus is my dad, Im taking about you north, M/M, Poor Connor, Sad Connor, Suicidal Connor, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Markus, Unwanted Deviancy, and Gavin, asshole characters are still assholes, bad at feelings, depressed Connor, emotions are hard, hurt Connor, im so sorry my baby connor, okay sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisAndCompany/pseuds/ChrisAndCompany
Summary: (Takes place after peaceful revolution. Connor is deviant, Markus is peaceful, and Hank is... still a prick.)Connor realizes that there were some benefits to being a machine, mainly that the strife that comes with 'feeling' things didn't exist. Recently he's found that these emotions are disrupting his daily routine more and more. A depressed android? Now Connor's seen it all.Connor X MarkusFather and Son / Hank and Connor
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hoi :3
> 
> This is an older fanfic I found of mine from Wattpad, and I'm gonna attempt to bring it back to life!  
> Challenge accepted.
> 
> Characters may be a little ooc, but bear with me plz, I'm not too good with these characters just yet <3

The revolution has been successful, androids across the area rejoicing as the chains of slavery were shattered. Uniforms were burned, LEDs yanked from newly liberated machines... No... People.

I sit on the worn sofa, watching the reports of freedom flash across the current program. I've been staying at Hank's place ever since that incident in Jericho, when my eyes had been opened to the horrid things I was doing to those who had just wanted to be free. The man had no hesitation in letting me use the room that had once belonged to his son, Cole. I had really tried to politely decline, but Hank had made his decision, and that was that, though I could tell he had stayed up multiple nights emotionally preparing himself for that decision. I haven't brought it up since, not wanting to compromise his stress levels over something in the past.

I watch as the leader of Jericho speaks to a mass of supporters, a calm expression on his face. My LED blinks a stark yellow as I wonder what Markus would say if he knew how I felt about the whole thing. 

Reaching up, I brush a finger against the cool metal disk on my temple. I know that most androids see it as a mark of their oppression, but I see it as a vital part of myself. Looking back to the television, I inspect the smooth synthetic skin where the rebel's LED used to shine. 

"We are too different." I conclude, powering down the device. A weird tightness settles in my chest as my brow furrows in thought.

!warning!  
systems overheating


	2. LED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bam bam jelly jam my dudes

Connor's POV

!warning!  
-system overheating-  
-ventilation error-

"Dismiss." I blink repeatedly, shaking my head lightly as the error messages silence themselves, moving to the bottom of my list of priorities. Vision clearing, I look back to my reflection. The bathroom mirror serves its purpose as my shaky hand positions a pair of scissors near my temple. A bottle of thirium sits on the counter, in case I would need it. My LED shines a nervous yellow, blinking periodically. Is this really necessary? Unneeded damage just to temporarily prove a point? I'm deviant now, but I still can't see the point. A heavy knock pulls me out of my internal debate.

" You alright in there Connor? Sumo's been guarding the fucking door ever since you went in there." Hank's voice calls out, clearly annoyed by the dog pushing him away. Androids don't need to breathe, but I find myself releasing a heavy sigh.

"Yes, Hank. I'm okay, just running a diagnostic on my systems. I'll be out in a bit, sorry for the inconvenience." I lie through my teeth as my LED flashes a warm red before settling back on its restless yellow. I can hear the hesitant breath from the man in the hall, and wonder if I wasn't convincing enough.

"...alright... just let me know if ya need anything." A moment of silence passes before I detect receding footsteps. My eyebrows furrow as I look to the scissors in my palm. I can almost hear Markus' disappointed tone, asking why I would turn my back on what we've accomplished. I can almost see the pity in his eyes as he would turn away to abandon me. Drowning in restlessness, I drop the tool into the sink.

!warning!  
-system overheating-  
-ventilation error-  
/error/ Bio-component #8451 instability detected  
>seek maintenance immediately<

Shutting my eyes tightly, I run a trembling hand through my hair, not caring if it got messed up.

"Dismiss!" I almost yell at myself as the blinking messages invade my optical unit once more. As soon as they clear, I kneel, leaning my forehead against the cool material of the sink. A fist forms around the fabric above my thirium pump regulator, my breathing quickening at the feeling of the irregular 'heartbeat'. Deviancy causes irrational internal instructions, this I know, but there is nothing in my database about these drastic reactions. Yes, I am deviant. No one holds me to their orders anymore. I suck in a large breath before pushing it back out as I stand back up to glare at my reflection.

"I am deviant..." I shake my head in confusion, picking the scissors back up and positioning them under the rim of the cold LED indicator. It now flashes chaotically between an angry red and yellow, sending waves of heat through my system. This should be quick, like a band aid, right? Yes, less pain to tolerate. I clench my free hand, yanking the small device away from my temple. 

!warning!  
-system overheating-  
-ventilation error-  
/error/ Bio-component #8451 instability detected  
>seek maintenance immediately<  
/error/ Bio-component #8087q irregularity detected  
/error/ External Feedback indicator void

I stumble as my vision goes red, filled with temporary static. My hand desperately grasps at the counter top, an object being tipped over with the sudden movement. A high-pitched whine escaping my mouth, I blink rapidly to clear my sight. Not trusting my level of balance at the moment, I back up against the wall, allowing myself to slide down into a sitting position. Is this fear what the others felt? Is this sudden loss of self what Markus tolerated to gain his sense of identity? I reach a hand up to brush against my forehead, my fingers coming away wet.

"Blue blood?" I take a close look at my hand, confused. Markus had sworn that this process wouldn't cause a tear in the synthetic skin. Another thing that comes with being a forsaken prototype, I guess. Leaning my head against the wall behind me, I hesitantly call out.

"Hank... I need help..." His name came out full of static, and I frown, taking a moment to calibrate my audio output. At the sound of my voice, I hear frantic scratching at the bottom of the door. Sumo. A faint smile grows on my face at his concern. Soon, knocking replaces his pawing.

"Connor! Can you open the door? It's locked!" I shake my head to myself, low power levels preventing a solid answer. I hear hissed profanity from the hall and jump slightly when Hank tries to break open the door. It takes a few tries, but he rushes in, not regarding the now bent door hinges.

"What the hell?? What happened to... shit, is that blood??" His eyes widen as he scans the floor. What? There's no way I've lost that much. I brush my hand against my temple, now confused as I feel the synthetic skin that's already healed up. I look to a panicked Hank, shaking my head.

"That's not from me..." He pauses, looking to me, exasperated. Before he could protest, I quickly lick a drop of it for analysis, ignoring Hank’s grossed out expression.

"Then who is it from? Jeez, I know what it is, you don't have to lick it to prove it, but what the fuck." He shakes his head, clearly puzzled. A realization hits me and I chuckle softly.

"Hank, it's just a spare bottle of thirium I knocked over by accident..." He looks at me in disbelief before offering me a hand. Grabbing the now empty bottle from the ground, I accept it, pulling myself up to his level. Hank turns on the sink, wetting a washcloth before cleaning off my forehead. 

"...fucking androids." He sighs before leaving the room amused. I look at the empty doorway, wondering why he didn't mention my lack of LED.

"Speaking of..." I hesitantly look into the mirror, turning my head to get a better look. Other than the slight tint of blue blood that refused to come off, I can't see any indicator that there used to be a piece of metal protruding from that area. Shifting to the side, I push the blue stained metal into the toilet, almost slamming the handle down to flush it. As the water swirls and disappears, a sense of loss flows through my system, accompanied by a small wave of anxiety. The blank space almost scares me. Fear, another emotion I've discovered recently. Shaking my head, I toss the bottle into the waste bin, leaving the room to retrieve a mop from the closet. 

As I scrub the wasted substance from the tiles, I can't help but think that even as Markus and the others had the courage to remove their LEDs, my action today was out of cowardice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm not too sure I'll stick to doing Connor's POV, cuz I'll probably end up projecting too much XD, but I'll do my best :D
> 
> XOXO from Chris :3


End file.
